I wrote this acouple of days ago and was gonna add to it, but nothing's come to mind and I haven't posted in a few days. I'll probably add on to it later, but whatever. Enjoy.He landed on his back. His whole body went numb. Couldn't move his fingers. Couldn't move his toes. He couldn't feel a thing. He opened his eyes and focused on the clouds in the sky. "Why can't I move my body", he thought to himself.
The ringing in his ears faded into the sound of footsteps shuffling. Once he realized they were shuffling around him, he tried to turn his head to see who it was. His head didn't move a bit. He second guessed whether or not he had actually thought to himself to turn his head. "Turn your head", he thought to himself. "TURN YOUR HEAD", he demanded. Nothing. He asked himself, "why won't you turn your head"?
When a woman in a green shirt leaned over him, he noticed he could still look around. His eyes darted from person to person. He counted 6 people. His eyes darted back to the woman in green. She shouted something about blood. His eyes darted again. He couldn't tell which way was left and which way was right. His body was still completely numb.
A man moved out of his line of sight. He could see people on the roof peering over the edge of the building right in front of him. Some were pointing down at him. A few were on their phones. He noticed a woman covering her mouth with one hand and bracing the edge with her other. It was almost like she had just seen someone die.
That's when it clicked. Why he couldn't turn his head, or feel his whole body. He figured out why there was blood and why that woman on the roof looked so terrified. He closed his eyes and wondered why there was no pain. He remembered being at the top of the building. He remembered coming down. He didn't remember hitting the ground.
He opened his eyes and saw the woman in green. She said something about blood again. About it coming out of his mouth. About how he wasn't going to make it. His vision blurred. He blinked a few times. Everything went dark. He knew this was it. That's when he felt the tear roll down the side of his face.
Comments (10)
Wowww. That was powerful. Have you read Johnny Got His Gun? Sounded like you were channeling that author.
@into_the_lens - I've never read the book. I'm not much of a reader. This was actually supposed to be a private entry, but oh well. That's what I get for trying to post something at 1am when I'm more than half asleep.
hey! : )
Saw your comment on Hilaw. You have good music taste (I swear you're the first person I have seen referencing Stephen Malkmus) and I have a decent circle here on Xanga if you're looking to meet more bloggers. And I'm from the Bay Area. Represent.
@elgaberino - Ha, don't be too impressed. I just saw the movie "I'm Not There" a couple nights ago. His cover really stood out. I like his style though. Definitely gotta check out more of his stuff. And yes, Bay Area, represent!
This was bleak, but very intensely written. If you follow up to it, maybe explore the main character's experience in the after life (if he ends up there)?
@ElusiveSoul - There's an angle I never thought about. I was thinking of focusing on how he ended up where he is, but I don't think the story gives off a need to know how it happened. I like your idea, though.
@Lithium98 - Thanks! :) I'm really looking forward to seeing the direction you take this in.
LOVE your stories. Even though I'm not a fan of non-happy endings.